The JOY of GIVING UP

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When I left this place ten months ago, I was carrying a huge burden on my shoulders—an obstinate, obnoxious child who refused to give up. Give up on the people I cared about, the memories that meant so much to me, the peals of laughter, the ideals of friendship, and the glorious incredible evenings. It all meant something to me, and I wasn't ready to let go of it all until the pain was so excruciating that the anguished, vulnerable me was on the verge of breaking.

I recall sobbing on the stairwell, doubting my existence, philosophy, and values that I believed in wondering if I was the wrong person if I was to blame if I needed to change? The fear of not being good enough crept back in, and the frustration and anxiety of being alone or shunned were killing me from within. I couldn't stand the environment or the people; the place was becoming sicker by the day. There were no more glimmers of laughter, no more glimmers of camaraderie. There was just one sentence reverberating through the walls, stairwells, lawns, and every living/non-living object standing those days: "What went wrong?". I eventually decided to leave. A mountain was lifted from my chest when I left, and I felt relieved that I would no longer have to face the same mornings, afternoons, and evenings, which were no longer exciting, spectacular, or valuable.

Ten months later, when I am truly here, I understand "what went wrong". "I went wrong" to pick things and choose memories. I went wrong on the understanding that the spark of friendship hid the absence of individuality. I went wrong, giving more than I could and expecting the same in return. I went wrong in weighing relationships with laughter. I went wrong in encaging myself when I wanted to fly. I went wrong in doubting myself; I went wrong in not believing I deserved happiness over friendship.

This epiphany was something that changed me entirely and changed the place for the better. The latter six months became the best six months of my life. I found people who genuinely understood me, friends, who motivated me, I discovered the true meaning of friendship and love. I wouldn't be as content in the present if I hadn't let go of my past. The past has taught me valuable lessons that I cherish. For this joyful present, I thank the past, the people in the past, and the circumstances of the past.

For me, the joy of giving up is a valuable lesson. It's better if you stand up for yourself and your self-worth. It will only damage you if you keep sinking your teeth into something that has already been ruined. Be bold and let go of everything that is holding you back, give up on toxic friendships, give up the toxic relationships, give up on unhealthy behaviours, anxieties, self-doubt, grudges, and everything else that makes you miserable, and embrace the future with empty hands. Believe me, something better is on its way. Manifest joy to the cosmos, and joy will return to you.